I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
