So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
