what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So. Much. Porn.
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