there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
