sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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