i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i will never coherently bang her
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
