That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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