If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
