Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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