I hate all girls vehemently.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
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You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
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We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize