Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
