I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
