what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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