if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
