You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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