If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
