he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
