what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
