you traded sex for a burrito?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
