Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
