Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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