i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
