I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
