this will be a night to untag.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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