She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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