He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
