i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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