Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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