I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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