please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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