You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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