How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
