someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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