I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
