these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
