this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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