I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize