Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
honey bunches of taint.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
