Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
