I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
