Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
