...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
This house was built for laser tag.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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