I wish I could teleport
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
