remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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