Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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