I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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