He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
