Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
