i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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