She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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