I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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