dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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