Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
