that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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