I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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