how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
