i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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