I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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