I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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