You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
