You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
