Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
