He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
