I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
