I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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