My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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