thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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