dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
