need another drink. this is the easiest way
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
