i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I am naked and annoyed.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
